When we think of toddlers, a few “T” words come to mind: Tantrums, Terrible Twos and Time-Outs.
It’s no secret that these developmental years can come with challenging changes that tend to bring about the blues in parents and children alike. But there is a “reason for the season” – emotional and social development.
Children this age are discovering a lot about emotions all at once: They’re learning that they have emotions, how to process these emotions, what causes their emotions, how to communicate their emotions, and that others have emotions, too. No wonder my toddler is in puddles of tears because they “can’t never watch shows” that they just watched, or they’re hulking out without warning because they don’t want to watch the same show as their sibling.
How is a parent to survive these years AND aid in their child’s emotional and overall development? According to Australia-based nonprofit The Fathering Project, fathers play a critical role in emotional regulation and behavior management for toddlers. So, Dad, this isn’t a time to pull away or send your toddler to Mom. Rather, it is a time to engage and have impact in this life stage as well.
The pivotal question is how? Well, I’m glad you asked. The answer is consistency. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that during this phase of life, consistently modeling appropriate behavior is the most impactful for continued progression and positive development. These little eyes and ears are experts at observation: Your youngster is learning the most from what they see and hear.
I remember intervening with my toddlers when social interactions were trending toward outburst. I always asked the conceptual question: “How would you feel if someone did that to you?” That was often followed by a blank stare, tears or a tantrum. It was never a productive interaction of social understanding. This was because toddlers don’t comprehend social comparisons and can’t guess how others feel. On the other hand, youngsters are adept at observing behaviors and later linking them to social cues, so I didn’t get much done with my mini lectures.
Modeled, intentional and interactive play is said to be the most impactful for a toddler’s social and emotional development. The Fathering Project suggests that planned playtime has the most impact because the child has the father’s undivided attention. Scheduled playtime is a perfect learning environment for toddlers—and a great teaching atmosphere for parents.
It takes a little preparation for dads to make the most of these opportunities. For instance, if we’re wanting to take our little one outside, we need to be sure it's a conducive environment for enjoyment and sustained time together.
Here’s an example of poor planning so you can learn from my mistake: I can recall taking my child fishing when they were around two years old. There was great excitement, especially when we were buying worms. When we arrived at the lake, they wanted to throw practically anything they found in the water, which only served to scare all the fish away.
After some redirection to the activity of casting and hook preparation, all they wanted to do was play with the worms. Then after about fifteen minutes they were ready to leave because “it was boring.” Needless to say, I failed to set them up for a sustained time of play.
Dads can set their toddlers up for success by planning around their schedule so that they’re able to thrive during play. For instance, plan playtime well before naptime (or just after naptime) to ensure they’re not tired. Make sure they’re fed and have plenty of access to snacks for ongoing energy and engagement.
Our two children were very different when it came to energy limits. One child was ready to go the moment they opened their eyes, so we could strike out for adventure immediately following nap. Conversely, our other child needed time to acclimate after waking, so we found we needed about 30 minutes to buffer.
They also differed in their reaction around other children: One was always ready to engage with their playmates—and the other was often overstimulated after just 15 minutes of play.
Carefully observe your toddler to discover what they need, and remember: No two kids are exactly the same.
Playdates are helpful for a number of reasons:
Dads, we want to hear from you! Share your playdate wisdom with us by sending us a message at info@gooddads.com